(I hope you already knew that) These are just a few random things that my truly hilarious best friend (with the nick-name Spot), has come up with. So read at your own risk, please.
This really is the most pointless section of this whole site, but it is worth reading if you want a good laugh. Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, a good LAUGH. As in funny. Most of these things were made up to be funny and not really true... so you better not complain if you read these and see something you "disagree" with. I'll simply ignore you, and think of you as an idiot.
Skittery is hot, and so is Spot
Racetrack is ok, but I heard he is gay
Kid Blink is cool, but he looks like a fool
Mush is alright, but he ain't tight
Gabe is hot, and he plays the role of Spot
Max smokes crack, and his name is Racetrack
Trey likes pink, and we call him Kid Blink
Aaron is a whore, and his last name is Lohr
David is gay, but I guess that's ok
Liz likes Kid Blink, who gave her a wink
Jennifer smacked her character, Racetrack
Amy likes Spot, and you know he's hot
Cynthia has a crush on her character, Mush
Ellen likes Davey, and who knows why, it's a mystery
But we all like Skittery, he makes us fat, litterally
Spot's One-liners (more poetry)
-Mush sells tires at a place called Mush Meyers
-Spot was at a convention, and that sure got our attention
-Jack is the new Batman who likes to play hangman
-Spot is under my bed, even though people say he is dead
-Racetrack will always be known as Vinnie, even though he doesn't have a kidney
-Specs is the killer who took away my liver
-Trey likes to dance without any pants
-Racetrack always blinks when he eats hot links
-Michael puts me in the mood to play the kazoo
-Crutchy is dumb, and his hair looks like gum
-Pie Eater used to work at Millionaire, but now he isn't anywhere
-Trey has no hair, that's why he sings at the fair
-Pulitzer is cut, but he has no butt
-Skittery is fine, and I wish he were mine
-Crutchy is really dorky, and he looks like a yorkie
-Racetrack lives in New York, but that doesn't make him a dork
-Snipeshooter's hair is like a mat, and he looks like a freakin' cat
-Boots plays Mr. Dig, and he eats like a pig
-People think Mush is really hot, but he looks like a dot
-Crutchy ate a tot right before he got shot
-People think Crutchy is cool, but he sounds like a mule
-Spot likes Peewee Herman, even though he is a German
-When David Sidoni's hair is wet, it reminds me of a Ch-Chia pet
-Michael Goorjian is really fit, and he makes me eat choco-lit
-Gabriel Damon likes to give Max smacks, when he eats Cracker Jacks
-David Sidoni wears a tie, and he makes me eat alot of pie
-David is not gay, even though it seems that way (or maybe it is...)
-Mush wishes he was hot, like Spot.
-Max needs to learn how to dance, because he just looks like he has ants in his pants.
-Kid's winkie is really a twinkie.
-Skittery always has the blues and he has really cool shoes.
Whacked Up Facts
-Spot is really German
-Kid Blink is now bald
-He is also an alian
-David is gay
-Skittery is the reason for anyone being fat
-Pie Eater's head is a Ch-Chia Pet
-Spot is a smell-good hairy man
-Swifty is certainly Asian... or so I have read
-Spot is for certain
-Not a serial killer and not in Australia
-Jack likes to run around in his shoes with nothing else on
-Skittery plays a good mentally challenged person, so be nice
-Racetrack has a centipede on his head
-Jack likes "man"
-Swifty would rather be Russian
-Mush wanted to be Cowboy in Newsies, so he did it later...X rated style
-Jack likes to be naked
-Racetrack needs to go see an eye doctor... his blinking is worrying me
-Racetrack also needs to learn how to die... he kinda sucks at it
-Oh, and he also needs new hair
-He's also a magician
-I don't want to know what Kid Blink does in Vegas *wink wink*
-Kid Blink stuffs himself with a sock, so don't believe him
-And actually, no, Mush doesn't look hot as a paramedic
-Kid Blink is very down to earth.
-I guess Racetrack dances pretty cool, for a white guy.
-I wish I had a boyfriend so Skittery could kill him.
-What is up with newsies and red scarfs??
-Skittery has funny looking lips.
-I can't believe I am saying this, but Spot used to sound like a little girl. And his voice never changes...
-I wish I had binoculars like Racetrack's for when I meet newsies. *wink wink* hehe giggle
-My thoughts are porn.
-Spot used to be a lizard before I made him a man.
-The Delancy Brothers are like a mob of birds, and Crutchy is like an owl.
-I am scared about meeting Racetrack, he is kind of strange looking now.
-Maybe if I cup my hands behind my ears, I can hear where Newsies are.
-I can fit Christian Bale in my pocket. Now how many people in the world can say that?
-I love touching newsies' weineses.
-What's up with Caine always trying to kill newsies?
-Just because D.U.H. uses Christian Bale in their game does not mean he is going to be there.
-Spot likes purses.
-Skittery likes to rip up leaves on his spare time.
-Racetrack kind of looks like a toucan.
-I think at the end of Newsies, Sarah is trying to get food from Jack.
-Newsies give me tonsillitis and they make Racetrack sick.
-Racetrack helped me find my phone.
-What in the hell is Spot’s number doing in Massachusetts?
-I have a really bad case of Booack.
-Spot makes me feel like a little school girl again.
-I AM LIVING THE NEWSIE DREAM
-If you like to look at Jack’s package up close and personal, I recommend watching American Psycho and Metroland
-What the hell is this shit
-Trey Parker is the oldest, that’s why he looks like a girl
-Is Trey having a seizure, or is he laughing
-Trey is a lucky dog, he gets to sleep with 3 chicks at once even though they are his cousins. Oh crap, I mean one of them is a guy.
-Trey wishes he were Skittery, yeah… when pigs fly
-Trey is an excellent bush whacker, trust me, I know
-I am so confused
-Trey is talented, he can laugh with his mouth closed.
-Trey Parker stars along side squirrels
-Trey causes tizzys
-Now we know the truth
-THE INDIANS HAVE TREY! NOOOOOO!!!!!
-Trey is a pretty boy
-Trey likes to make out with his sister
-Max thinks he is a fireman
-Max wears his pants too high
-Max likes his food nice and spicy
-Trey looks like a mushroom
-David Sidoni is not a politician
-Dutchy is freaking me out
-Pie Eater and Specs have big mouths
-Pie Eater and Dutchy like to wear matching outfits
-David Sidoni makes a pretty good tiger
-Newsies like to pose near doorways
-Specs is that annoying kid from the Encyclopedia commercials
-What is up with newsies dressing up as girls?
-Why in the hell is David Sidoni in a refrigerator
-I like David Sidoni’s pants
-That’s really heavy, man.
-Mark David can’t count or something
-I used my gardar to find David Sidoni
-Several days later….shhhhhhh
-I like Mark David’s hands
-David Sidoni is good at being a TV game show host
-I want Ivan to be one of my dream people
-Mark David secretly plays with dolls
-I wish David Sidoni would come out of my TV
-Mark David and Bob Saget are on the same bowling league
-Pie Eater can fit a family of 6 in the left leg of his pants
-Throw salt over your shoulder… it’s bad luck
-Spot and Skittery together taste pretty good
-WARNING: Do not mix food with meeting newsies.
-Just the thought of David Sidoni sitting next to her makes Mush hotter
-Itey has a good job *wink wink*
-Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love.
-The only thing I didn’t like about Batman is that it didn’t show Christian Bale’s butt in the Batman costume, that would have been pretty hot.
-It’s pretty hot watching Christian Bale do push-ups
-Everyone and their mother are in the Batman credits
-I’m not going crazy… David Sidoni was talking about diapers.
-Henry Spooner’s best friend makes me think of Trey Parker.
-Hey, his name is actually Henry in this movie! I am such an idiot.
-Skittery can tutor me any day
-Skittery gets dressed in the dark, like I do.
-Number 69 is hot
-Michael Goorjian makes me want to give blood.
-I like the naked in the hallway thing.
-I agree with Tina; Michel Goorjian is better looking in person… trust me, I know. Mmm hot
-Who wouldn’t want to dance with Michael Goorjian
-Ivan makes me scared of Pringles
-Christian Bale likes to stay at the Shady Lady
-Christian Bale took the challenge to play hangman
-Oh my god, the ER and the circle are the same…
-David Sidoni’s hand writing looks like chicken strips.
-Somewhere in the world, my thoughts from meeting Jack Kelly are floating around on a dollar bill.
-Bumlets' pelvic thrust kind of scares me a little
-Specs looks like a dork during Seize the Day
-Pie Eater's hair is a little too flat for my style
-Gabriel Damon is Bob Saget's lost son
-Gabriel Damon is really Superman, and he can fly
-Spot is really Dr. Howser, so I guess that makes Doogie his son... pretty cool.
-I got lost in Boots' hair
-Newsies with facial hair scare me
-Ivan likes to take a weekly bike ride every Sunday afternoon down by Oceanside
-Moley, moley, moley...
-Boots wishes he were white
-David Sidoni has crabs.... on his shoulders
-Christian Bale looks like a girly-man when he has long hair
-What is up with newsies being in bands?
-What is up with Subway and hair saloons being next to each other when we meet newsies?
-One time, I got this e-mail from a friend about this Newsies site, even though I don't have an e-mail address
-Snitch is a snatch
-Snitch's eyes are like WHOA
-Why does Snitch always look like he's on drugs?
-I so think that Spot looks like Adam Sandler... actually more like the old man from Jurassic Park (Dr. Alan Somethinggranturother)
-Watch out for them dark tunnels, they are freakin scary, man
-Freakin Hope street can die
-I didn't know that Mush was the other good looking black kid in Newsies
-Don't ever go to one of Boots' concerts unless you want to see him take off his shirt
-I WON A CAR THANKS TO IVAN! (facial hair)
-Luke has Edwards syndrome
-The candy man can
-Mark David is his own property
-Mark David is president of the Mark David Corporation
-Mark David is an old high school buddy
-Christian Bale likes him some Pocahontas
-Why do New Yorkers who want to have a better life want to go to Santa Fe? What’s so great about Santa Fe?
-I would get drunk with Michael Goorjian any day
-I wouldn’t want to stop doing it with Michael Goorjian either
-Oh my God, Les raped a hot dog… hot dog style. Sick. He should have done it hamburger style like Sarah did
-I keep my footlong in my underwear drawer because it’s scared
-Jack only wishes he were Spot...
-Is Christian Bale's baby Asian? How'd that happen...??? Oh nevermind.
-Christian Bales mole moves! It's alive, I knew it!!
-Someone needs to tell Christian Bale about the serious damages done by foxtails...
-Christian sure likes to eat them foxtails.
-I wish Christian Bale would force me to love him...........
-I wish Max Casella was in my shower
-I want to eat pizza in the bathroom with Max Casella
-I wish I were a fifteen-year old Indian girl... lucky.
-Skittery is really sexy when he drives a sea-doo in the rain, while shooting a gun in the air.
-Skittery pounces like a tiger.
-Electricity + water + metal = Skittery's death.....wait he's not really dead I'm confused.
-The pain going away = well, Skittery dieing part 2, for real this time though.... it was very dramatic.
-Skittery is so not a loser. You are, four eyes.
-Why is it every time I watch The Sopranos Max gets the shit beaten out of him and ends up in the ER?
-One thing I have learned from the acting/entertainment industry is to never get parts like Max, because you will get the shit beaten out of you and end up in the ER… and I'm not talking about the show.
-Never be around hot liquids and Max because he will put your hand in the liquid, and it hurts like hell.
-Never leave your kids with Max because he will lose them in an elevator.
-Max Casella is now.......... a man. :D
-I think Crutchy is secretly a giant :O
-Max Casella is a really cool fella.
-Snipeshooter likes to go to Hooters.
According to random sites on the internet...
-Spot is up for grabs on June 21st
-Spot is located at 2584 San Fernando Road
-Spot is belly good by Cynthia
-Spot is standard stunted mulga scrub
-Spot is paradise for the lazy bright moon
-Spot is on the move
-Spot is not actually a spot at all
-Racetrack is straight and 253 meters long
-Racetrack is located on a mesa above the Animas River Valley of northwestern New Mexico
-Racetrack is a bad idea
-Racetrack is open to the public
-Jack Kelly is a shipping clerk and golf wiz
-Jack Kelly is visited by three ghosts
-Jack Kelly is is one hell of a guy
-Skittery is tired of watching Mush and Blink happily together and decides to get himself some action for the night
-Skittery is a great husband and father
-Pie Eater is Bill Rowe eating blueberry pie
-Mush is operated with the permission of Robert Jordan
-Mush is a virtual world
-Mush is basically “open admission”
-Mush is populated by many people all over the world at the same time
-Mush is kind of like on steroids
-Kid Blink is owned by Disney and played by Imp Harris
-Kid Blink is definitely the added bonus there
-Kid Blink is on!
-Les is the best medicine
-Les is the poster child for nerds all over the US
-Les is a 41 year old cowboy from Celeste
-Les is not yet on… :(
-Boots is $930
-Boots is easy
-Boots is a furry monkey
-Boots is currently 9 weeks pregnant
-Snitch is coming to a neighborhood near you
-Snitch is corrupt
-Specs is a digging duggie
-Specs is shaded in the plot
-Specs is not comfortable about the fundraising part of this project although he is jazzed about the creation of the film
-Specs is indeed for sale on this site
-Dutchy is bursting with Jewish capital and invest
-Dutchy is now the doting parent of an 8 ½ lb. “thing”
-Dave is a stupid horse
-Dave is like trying to wrestle a pig
-Dave is an evil wizard
Everything I learned in life, I learned from movies with newsies in them
-Metroland is a state of mind
-Never run through a track field with acid in your pocket while the sprinklers are on
-Never punch a mirror because you might end up in quaranteen beacause you have a bad infection, and it may be a lethal virus
-Never take percodan with booze because you may die from a narcotic overdose
-Never start dancing on top of a moutain because someone can die or get hurt that way
-Never leave your girlfriend alone with your mom and her boyfriend, because your girlfriend might start making out with both of them at the same time
-If you are naked and you want to run after someone to kill them, make sure to put your shoes on
-Make sure not to get blood on your sheets because it is hard to get out
-Never let your boyfriend's mom see the love poem he wrote for you because he might rip it up, right before you almost had it memorized
-Never lean against a wall that you just peed on
-Never try to bring a guy back to life right after he got shot, blood will come out of his mouth
-Never get caught in a raft going down stream with David Moscow. It may start spinning and then you will be forced to kiss him when it stops.
-If you are a 16 year old male, and you are Italian, then that means your are addicted to sex.
-Madonna liked somebody named Shawn, who knew.
-If you are making out in a cemetary while it is raining and dark, you may get shot.
-Don’t order the chili
-If you are a newsie, don’t ever walk down a dark alleyway
-Never hit-and-run because you will get all skinny, and you won't be able to sleep, and you'll see lots of crazy stuff
-Never fight over a rock with your friend, because then you will fall down a hole, and be attacked by bats, and then your parents will die, and you'll have to get some stupid blue flower while it's snowing, and then you'll have to make this tight suit, (and I don't mean tight like cool, but tight like you almost had to have nipples)
-Never live on a farm because your brother will end up getting killed by the Jeepers Kreepers monster thing, and then your crazy father will then make you drive a truck while pursuing the monster, and you'll just end up with a hole in your jacket and a scar on your nose for life
-Never get involved with the devil, because you will end up breaking your arm during football, and then you will have to sign a contract with your broken arm even though it's broken
-Never buy a music box for someone, because then they will end up dying
-Always keep an eye on your dog, because if you don't he may run into an indian
-A feather duster is not a good place to hide... it freakin sucks
The Newsies Real Jobs
*Spot- con man or con artist, because if he can fool Racetrack, (me!!) he can fool anyone
*Kid Blink- professional sock stuffer, hey it almost looks real
*Mush- striper because hot body + bad hair = striper
*Racetrack- member of the Lollypop Guild, because funny voice + shortness = Lollypop Guild
*Jack- a grandpa because he never smiles, so he must have no teeth
*David- a rapper or something, in like every movie he pretends to be black
*Les- a comic book guy, I don't really know why, he just looks like one of those types
*Boots- someone who thinks of themself as a badass, oh wait, that's true
*Crutchy- a mad scientist, hey he was pretty crazy in Newsies, and his laugh is creepy
*Pie Eater- a Disneyland ride, like The Tower of Terror or the Teacups, he is pretty good at it
*Bumlets- the best dancer in the world, hey you know it's true
*Skittery- a male gigalo because he's hot, nice, and hey, he's freakin Skittery
*Swifty- a pimp, hey I have seen some crazy pictures of him so it must be true
*Dutchy- the owner of an IHOP, don't ask
*Specs- a psycho killer, he played a pretty good one in Blood Drips
*Snipeshooter- movie voice guy, hey his voice was deep when he was little, maybe it got deeper
*Itey- a zebra, he kind of looks like one in a way
*Jake- the next Michael Jackson, it's the nose thing
*Snitch- a guy who invented cool contacts, how else can he have such cool looking eyes
*Snoddy- who really gives a crap about that guy
The Newsie's Menu
Spot's Cracker Jack Surprise
Skittery's Fatso Chocolate Cake
Kid's Phoney Weiner Dinner- Includes Chips
Pie Eater's Bald Spot Pie
Spot's German Tacos
Kid's Hairless Mints
Kid's Chocolate Covered Nuts
Skittery's Hot Stuffed Grilled Cheese
Skittery's Gassy Chilly Fries- It burns!
Kid's Hot Dog- Corn dog carrying case included
Spot's Dr.Pepper Fizzzer ya
The Newsie's New Names
Ack Lee-- Jack Kelly
Avid Cobs-- David Jacobs
El Cobs-- Les Jacobs
Crack Sign-- Racetrack Higgins
Pot Collon-- Spot Conlon
Dik Lik-- Kid Blink
Ush Eyre-- Mush Meyers
Tuchy Mor-- Crutchy Morris
Sot Mac-- Boots McLennan
Hype Poot-- Snipeshooter
Kit Ter-- Skittery
Pee Ter-- Pieeater
Slut Calmahari-- Bumlets
Fifty Nifty-- Swifty
Secs Pec-- Specs
Hauck Alugee-- Dutchy
Titch Snieyie-- Snitch
Tie Umbuger-- Itey
Dodie Snots-- Snoddy
Wake Waters-- Jake
Ran Don-- Brian Denton
Rah Cobs-- Sarah Jacobs
--Sid the Man-- An Essay About David Sidoni
David Sidoni is the coolest guy around, like with his red converse shoes, and his really hairy legs. He’s got to meet really cool people and he works at Disneyland. He has also been in great movies and shows like Newsies and Roundhouse. So here is my essay about the break dancing, weird laughing Sid.
David has met a lot of cool people like Dominic, who was a great dancer, nice and caring guy, and who had a hat with a wheel chair on it. He is also another one of the coolest guys around, but that is a whole different story in itself, isn’t it? There was also Ivan who could shoot whip cream out of his mouth, and who would dance and end with his hands in front of his face. (He is also a man who knows how to work those Pringles to the max.) And last, but not least, there was Mark, who liked to play with dolls and make a lot of funny voices. He also liked to make a house with his hands… man, so cool. Man, David is a lucky dog for getting to meet those tight fellas.
He also gets to work at DCA… man, so cool. (If you have anything to do with Disney, you are cool in my book.) He gets to run around and act like a fool with no pants on all day while wearing a clown outfit. Oh man, he is lucky. He also gets to wear a crab on his shoulder. (Heck yes, who wouldn’t want to?) He also gets to act like the Teacups and the Tower of Terror. (Man, I wish I could, but I am not allowed.) Man, I can’t wait until I work there.
Man, he was in Newsies… so cool. He got to be in like the best movie ever made. He also got to say the word “Woo” in it, so cool. He is like one of the best dancers in it. Man, he dances like a mad man, he is so freakin good. He also got to have flat hair, hell yes baby. He is so freakin cool in Newsies, who wouldn’t like him? Come on, he got to see nuns sing. What’s more awesome than that? Nothing… ok.
Down at the Roundhouse, yes baby. Man, he is the coolest guy in this show. He got to be a stage mother, Bratman, a dude, a game show host, a ballerina, a ghost, and a little kid who ate a gingerbread man. “I don’t know, it looks good.” hahaha that’s the best, *tear*. hehehe Ok, sorry, going on… He got to jump out of a TV too, now that’s not something you get to do everyday, you know. Man, he even had facial hair, (hell yes.) He is also lucky because he got to pose in a free stylish way, SO FREAKIN AWESOME. Dude, he just wants to be a rebel, like everyone else. I mean, who wouldn’t want to drink the rebel drink?
So if you ever see a backwards hat wearing, break dancing, crazy acting, weird laughing, hairy legs and arms, and almost bald chi-chia pet looking thing, it is not a monster, it is the coolest guy around.
--The Legend of the Mole-- An Essay About Chistian Bale's Mole
If you have noticed, Christian Bale has a mole next to his right eye. If you haven’t noticed, then you must be blind, and you should get your eyes checked. Well, in his early works he did not have the mole. So one day I was wondering where it came from and I came up with a couple of ideas on what might have happened.
One idea was that it just moved in one day. The mole got sick and tired of his own home that was on Trey Parker’s neck. So one time when Trey and Christian walked past each other, the mole jumped off of Trey’s neck, and onto Christian’s face. The mole was happy now because he was famous; he has even been seen in IMAX theatres near you.
My second idea is that Christian was abducted by aliens that wanted to learn more about the human body. So they saw this tall, hairy man walking down the street, (and I don’t mean David Sidoni) and they decided to take him. They took apart his body and when they were done they ended up putting the mole back in the wrong place. (You don’t want to know it’s original spot…) So the mole is now in it’s new spot, near his right eye.
My last idea, which makes the most sense, is my witch idea. One day when Christian Bale was taking his daily walk through the woods he ran into a cottage that was owned by a witch. Well, that morning he had forgotten to eat his apple, so he was very hungry. So he knocked on the cottage door to see if the witch had anything to eat. She happily invited him in for a grilled cheese sandwich. They ended up talking about his career and how it’s been going down since Newsies.
So she decided to make a deal with him. If she could get the whole world to forget about Newsies, (…well, except the few hundred that have no lives and talk about it 24/7) she would swap noses with him. So she would have his nose, and he would have hers, including the mole near her right eye. So of course he said yes, and that is why he has a mole and a pointy nose.
So that is where I think the mole came from. If it were me, I would have stuck with the old one because now he is making his fans suffer in IMAX theatres.
"We've got a code M.O.O.P."
Skittery wants a hot dog!! <3
Is this song annoying you yet? Because that is kind of the point. haha